Raw Drafts / Vengeance is Mine

Vengeance is mine saith the Nurse – Part 2 & 3

I didn’t have enough time to post Part 2 the day I wrote it, but I finished the story this morning. So, here’s the conclusion!

Again, this is the Raw Draft. Zero editing or even re-reading. Enjoy!

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Part 2

I had to actually contain my downright delight when I came on for my fourth shift and found out I had been assigned to his room. I loved a good malicious compliance and I could be quite the petty betty. Most of the time I just enjoyed stories of other’s exploits in those arenas because there wasn’t a lot of room for either on a med/surg floor. But, I knew I could get to. I had thought all night about what I could do to needle him without seeming incompetent. I considered going through every possible nickname for his first name, but somehow I knew that would make him think I was stupid and if he thought I was stupid he might request someone else. The plan I was mulling over required me to be his nurse on my last shift here. If he thought I was stupid, he would request someone else and I wouldn’t have any opportunity at all to free his wife and children. 

One of his daughters had stopped in the first night he was on our floor. He was at least as cruel and insufferable to her as he was to his wife. She chatted with his nurse on her way out that night and the nurse gathered the two brothers mostly thought the same. But, being brothers, it was definitely possible that having grown up with that treatment, they saw nothing wrong with it. But, neither of them had come to the hospital at all to anyone’s knowledge, and they both lived here in town. 

So, my first shift with him I walked in and immediately fawned all over him. 

“Mr. Spine-len, am I saying that right?” I smiled my kindest smile, made sure it reached my eyes, softening my voice. 

“Yes, sweetheart, it is.” I cringed in my mind at his calling me sweetheart, but outwardly did my best to appear I might take it as a compliment. 

“My name is Julie. I’ll be your nurse for tonight.” I glanced at the dry erase board on the wall across from his bed and saw Amber was on as his CNA. I had worked with Amber a bit through the week and she was young but she was tough. She was a CNA on her way to getting a BSN and she had that air about her that she’d been through some shit and was tougher than she might look. 

She was barely five foot two with nursing clogs on, very slight, and long blond hair she had pulled into a pony or a bun. I’d seen her manhandle men twice her size but I knew every person that met her was immediately underestimating her. She reminded me a bit of myself. Good, very competent nurse, but had a petty streak. 

“Good. Good.” He replied. “I’m very low key. I don’t need very much.” I scoffed to myself at that. That was absolutely not what I had heard. “I’m not even sure why I’m even still here. I had a little pinch in my chest last week and she insisted I come in.” He waved towards his wife sitting in the visitors chair crocheting either a scarf or the start of a blanket. The contempt in the word she was palpable. “That ER doctor, I don’t know where they got her from. Certainly wasn’t born here. She told everyone I was having a mild heart attack and had a small blockage that required surgery.” I’d seen the chart. It was a serious blockage, but entirely treatable. And something any first day ER doc would be able to identify. So where she was born didn’t seem relevant except to highlight his racism. Also, probably, to give me an opportunity to remark and express my agreement with him so he knew who was in alignment with his beliefs. “That one started crying.” A wave at his wife. “Then they took me back, came up through my leg and knocked out the blockage.” A shrug. “But they won’t let me go. I feel fit and fine. But them damn doctors, coming in here from God knows where, taking good jobs from Americans…” he trailed off. He wanted me to express agreement or disagreement with him here so he knew just how racist he could be with me. I had started taking his vitals as he railed so I simply kept going. I was letting the blood pressure cuff deflate for the second half of the reading so there was an obvious excuse for me to not answer him. So, he continued, “They said something about a complication during the surgery and wanted to keep me for observation.” I removed the cuff and stuck it into it’s slot on the cart. I murmured an acknowledgment. 

“I understand. And none of this is as comfortable as home, is it? Tough being away from your comfort zone and not feeling well and surrounded by strangers that change constantly.” I poured as much sweetness and empathy into my voice I possibly could. 

“Exactly!” he agreed emphatically. “All these damn strangers. No clue where they came from” He lowered his voice and added, “or what they might be carrying.” 

What, like they had the pneumonic plague or something? Goddess only knows what kinds of propaganda he watches. Actually, glancing up at the TV I could see exactly what kind of “news” he consumed regularly. I refused to engage that comment at all. 

“Well, Amber and I are going to do our very best to keep you comfortable and help you heal so that the doctors will let you get back home and take care of your family.” Ha! I laughed to myself. He didn’t do shit to take care of anyone but himself. You knew damn well he wanted a medal for taking out the trash and half the time he probably got one of his sons to do it or put it off so long his wife gave up on waiting and did it herself. 

I wondered how rich she would be if she had a dollar for every time she heard, “I was just about to do that!”

I had looked at his chart as soon as I was assigned to the case. There had been a fairly severe complication in the middle of surgery and he absolutely needed to be under observation. He also needed a much healthier diet and some exercise, but the gods know he wouldn’t be doing either of those things unless someone on that faux news channel told him it would show up those foreigners. Even then he probably couldn’t walk around the block without getting winded. I noted his cholesterol was absolutely atrocious. I kept thinking of that line from a movie, the wife yelling at the husband for ice cream and saying “You’re basically a solid!” Picturing her made me chuckle. 

“Is there anything I can get you right away before I finish my rounds?” I asked as sweetly as I could manage. 

“No. no. We’re fine. Low key, like I said. Unless you can get me discharge orders, sweetheart?” He winked. I felt my skin crawl at that.

I very intentionally answered with just a nod, and turned fully away from him, facing his wife. “And can I get you anything Mrs. Speinlein.” She immediately shook her head. So fast I wasn’t even sure she was answering my actual question. It felt like a very conditioned response to defer anyone and everything back to the blowhard. I continued, looking directly at her in case she looked at my face. “I am sure it’s been tough for you too. Being away from home, not being able to cook the meals you prefer. Not having your own, quiet space to spend your days and relax in.” God only knew the last time she had actually relaxed. She looked wound pretty damn tight and at the same time fragile as hell. I hoped it was fragile like a bomb and not fragile like antique china plates. 

“No, dear.” She looked up at me and answered. “I’m just fine here. I’ve got my project to keep my hands busy.” She lifted the scarf/blanket thing up to show me. “Idle hands are the devil’s playground you know.” 

“I wouldn’t know anything about that.” I hated that phrase and always answered that way. Usually adding, “I’m too busy as a nurse to ever have idle hands,” adding a laugh so they wouldn’t get offended that I disagreed about their devil. 

“Well, if there is anything.” Something in my tone or manner caught her attention and she looked up at me right into my eyes, “Anything at all, that we can do to help make you more comfortable. Just let me know.” I heard his scoff from the bed. He should be the one we’re focused on making comfortable, but that was obvious. Everyone expected that. Everyone knew that was our job. The visitors often didn’t get even close to the same kind of treatment. But, I had decided long ago, to do everything in my power to give the visitors, especially the mistreated ones, as much comfort and care as I gave the patient. This wife had no idea the “care” I was hoping to give her. For the rest of her life.

PART 3

I had spent days mulling over the options for actioning my idea. Really, when it came down to it, there were a nearly infinite number of ways a nurse could accidentally kill a patient.There were obviously murder-y things like suffocating. But it would be nearly impossible for a nurse, or anyone really, to suffocate or strangle a patient and not have anyone notice and start an inquiry. That’s why meds were really the way to go. There were easily a half dozen meds that could just plain kill you if didn’t need them. Probably at least a dozen more that had interaction issues and could kill you if you were on one medication and we administered a second one with a known negative side effect. Most things were either problematic because they would leave some sign behind that the patient had effectively been poisoned or they were hard to get hold of. Then there were the goldilocks drugs. That’s what I had decided to call them. They didn’t leave big signs behind that they had been there. They weren’t so weak that it required a huge amount of them to make a difference. And, the best part, it would be nearly impossible for any autopsy to show them as an official, unquestionable cause of death. 

I narrowed it to two or possibly three options depending on how that last night went. I decided it had to be on my last night so that I would be gone before any true, full inquiry could be launched. I could still be interviewed and whatnot, but it was less likely I would slip up in hallway conversation and give myself away. It was also less likely for them to run a big audit and track things down, like the medications I had in mind, if they couldn’t pin down the staff that had handled the supplies. 

Arriving in the parking lot and finding a spot, I took a moment after putting the car into park to set my intention for the night. I sent a little prayer to the Universe to orchestrate my night in favor of freeing Mrs. Steinlein if it agreed that Dick had to go. A few deep breaths to center myself and set the intention, then I got out of my car and headed in for my last shift, hopefully with Dick. 

Walking into the nurses room I opened the locker I’d been using and tucked my bag in. Another nurse came in right behind me, I could feel the anger and frustration radiating off of her. 

“What’s up?” I asked. I’d gotten to know Connie a little bit while I’d been working here. She was young, but plenty experienced and knew her stuff. She was a fantastic RN and a delight to work alongside. 

“It’s just too bad we can’t kill him.” 

“What?!” My head snapped up. She sighed heavily. 

“We all know what home life has been like for her. It’s just too bad Dexter isn’t real and can’t just free her from Dick.” So, we were talking about exactly the same thing, but I had not somehow given myself away. I murmured an acknowledgement. “I know, she could leave if she wanted to. There are resources. Her kids would probably support her. All that. But, she’s just so beat down that you know she’ll never do that. You know she basically believes that she’s nothing without him because he’s been telling her that for so long.” 

“Plus, there is always the fear of the unknown.” 

“How’s that?” 

“Well, she knows what her days and weeks and months are most likely going to look like. She knows it will include some pain and injuries, but she has a home and food and health insurance and everything. She probably even thinks, because he’s told her this, that it’s a fair trade that she put up with his treatment because of everything he does for her.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

I had to actually bite my tongue to stop from saying anything more. I would like to think that we were all on the same team and that she would agree with my possible plan and not turn me in or anything, but when ethics got involved you could never truly be sure if she would cover for Dexter or turn him in. 

I headed out to do shift change and get started on my last shift. A suppressed the grin that was trying to stretch across my face at the butterfly in my belly. Would I get a chance to try this? And, if I did, would it work? And if it did, would I get away with it. 

***

I was giddy! I kept thinking of that line from the song. “I think the universe is on my side.” The stars were absolutely aligned to give me an opportunity to execute one of the plans I had worked out. I wasn’t even the tiniest bit doubtful if I had it in me to actually do the thing. I knew with certainty that if the stars continued to align, I would absolutely take this action. 

Returning to the floor I continued rounds. Checking on patients, chatting with the CNAs and other staff about how things were going and orders that had been sent by the doctors that had finished their rounds. I took a moment to sit at the nurses station and put in Dick’s order for supper. He refused to do anything for himself that someone else could do for him. Most of the time his wife called down to the cafeteria to order but I happened to be in the room when he was deciding. I chimed in on his first choice that I’d heard the cafeteria manager had ordered incorrectly and they were almost certainly going to run out of that meal, so he should also note a second choice. He grumbled about not liking any of the remaining options. I offered to place the order for him and call down myself to see what I could do for him. Knowing that a nurse might have better pull than his wife, he happily handed me the menu sheet. 

But, when I sat down to place the order, I ordered the third option offered and declined any of the extras. I wanted as little food in his system as possible. That could only help my plan. I felt an evil laugh bubbling in my chest and tamped it down. And saw the gif in my mind of a villain drumming their fingers together. The order came and I managed to head off the Dietary Aide and deliver it directly myself. I explained that they had run out of the first choice and this was his second choice option. When he lifted the lid he yelled that he hadn’t wanted this. He hated this. We had to send it back. I put on my most sympathetic face possible and explained we just didn’t do that. We couldn’t. I could get him a bag of chips from our vending machine or maybe an egg salad sandwich if he wanted, both of which I’d heard he hated and railed against them being his only options to other nurses. 

He grumbled about sending his wife out to get him some proper food. I told him we didn’t allow outside food in the hospital at all. He gave me a look, said something about looking the other way, and gave me a wink. I said I was so sorry but I couldn’t do that. It was against regulation and policy and I could get in trouble, especially as a traveling nurse. He waved me away at that so I left the room, again suppressing  a grin. 

I said goodbye to his wife when visiting hours were over and wished her a lovely evening. I asked what she had planned and she said nothing in particular. Just going home and working on her knitting while watching the game show network. She loved the trivia games and enjoyed watching people try to win big money on the games more about chance. Again, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something extra that might give me away. 

I worked the last few hours steadily until it was nearly the end of my shift. I had a final blood glucose test of the patient in the room next to Dick and goddess if the Universe didn’t deliver in spades! I finished the test, stepped to the med cabinet to grab the insulin vial, and suddenly he went into cardiac arrest. Dropping the vial in my pocket I slammed the med door closed as I called the code out the doorway and flipped the switch in the room. I started CPR and the room filled with staff. As a traveling nurse, my job in a code was to get out of the way and keep up with the other patients that were now without an assigned RN because theirs was handling the code. 

Leaving the room I stopped at my nursing station and checked the floor notes for all the patients. No one had anything due on the entire floor. The only thing left for me was to do my final round, checking on all my patients and charting my final notes before clocking out for the last time. I left Dick for last. I could feel that vial of insulin in my pocket. Having checked the orders I saw the doctor had ordered a dose of blood thinner for Dick. I swiped into the computer and scanned his wrist band. Grabbing the blood thinner out of the med cabinet I was delighted to see it was not brand new. Charting the correct dose first, I then stepped to his side, staying just behind his line of vision, which was focused intently on the “news” channel he had on the television. I pulled down the entire remainder of the vial and administered all of the blood thinner into his IV. Then, I pulled out the insulin and drew down the entire needle’s worth of insulin, administering that into his IV. I did this until I had used the entire vial of insulin up. Grabbing a tissue I wiped the needle down to try to remove my finger prints before putting it into the sharps container. 

I said good night to Dick, swiped out of the computer, and stepped out the door. Having grabbed a couple extra tissues while in his room, I surreptitiously wiped my prints off the two vials in my pocket. Walking to the station where we disposed of vials and the like, I carefully took the vials out of my pocket and dropped them into the waste container. My heart was pounding in my ears. Had I really done it? Had I pulled this off? Would I get caught? I didn’t think it was hardly possible for me to get caught. I’d seen enough Criminal Minds to know that unless someone was looking for an angel of mercy or death, they didn’t see one in what could easily be explained as someone’s ill health. 

Returning to my station I did my final clock out duties, walked through shift change with the new traveling nurse coming on shift, holy shiitake the universe really was on my side. She would have no clue that there had been a barely used vial in Dick’s med cabinet! Saying my goodbyes to everyone I stopped into the changing room and grabbed my bag, heading out into the night. Dick wasn’t on any kind of heart rate monitor or O2 sensor, he would simply drift asleep and not wake up. I grabbed a snack, a little sweet treat, from the gas station on my way back to the apartment. I tried to sleep but was too giddy and wound up to actually fall asleep. Turning on a nature documentary I laid on the couch and dozed until morning. 

When my phone rang with the hospital’s number, I reached for it but stopped myself. It was still plenty early for me to still be asleep from the 2nd shift I’d finished. I decided that I wouldn’t answer it. When asked I would say that I was still sleeping and had turned the ringer off on my phone, especially since it had been my last shift. I waited until the time I typically woke up before actually starting my morning routine. Finishing my typical wake up routine I packed my stuff up, tidied up the apartment, put my sheets and towels into the dryer, having already run them in the washer, and started the dishwasher. Quick look around the apartment showed me that it looked the same as when I arrived. The hospital had a cleaning service that would come in and do a thorough cleaning before the next nurse arrived, but I had effectively left no trace of myself behind. 

I nearly bounced out of the building and to my car. I had checked my voicemails and gotten the message from the charge nurse that Dick had passed in the night and asking if I noted anything unusual on my final shift. Holding back the smile, just in case she would be able to hear it in my voice, I answered no, nothing unusual had happened at all. He had been the same as every night previous. I almost mentioned things having gotten hectic with the code a couple doors down, but decided against bringing her attention to that. They probably had no reason to think of the two deaths side by side beyond the obvious and simple unlikelihood of losing two patients on a med surg floor in the same night. I couldn’t give anyone a reason to dig any further into it. And, I knew, if they didn’t dig into it right away, the sharps container and med disposal boxes would probably be gone before anyone could even think about looking through them. Plus, that just wasn’t something I had ever seen any facility bother with. Could you imagine digging through a sharps container and testing every single needle to try to find a reason for a patient’s death when it could be explained by their diagnosis or typical complications? Forget about digging through a bin of all the disposed medications for the entire floor to test all of those as well. It wasn’t something I thought I would even see on an episode of CSI and we all knew that was far more thorough than a typical crime lab would do. 

They honestly had no reason to suspect anything. Getting settled in my car I put my favorite happy playlist on my phone and blasted it through my speakers. Deciding I wanted a bit of breakfast and to top off my gas tank before hitting the road, I pulled into the gas station near the hospital I had been frequenting. Walking in I stood by the hot case and looked over the breakfast sandwich options. 

“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” I heard a male voice say. My ears perked up. “I mean, we hoped it would happen. I think we all hoped it would happen. But he’s such a mean old bastard I don’t think any of us actually thought he would go any time soon.” Glancing to my side I noted it was Dick’s son. Standing next to his sister. She looked pretty flat, not smiling, not crying, just there, listening to him. 

“Do you think she’ll be ok?” She asked quietly. I decided to step away lest they see me. I wasn’t sure either of them would recognize me, especially in street clothes, but I didn’t want to take the chance.

“Ok?” His voice incredulous. “I think she’s going to be spectacular. I think we’re going to see a version of our Mom we’ve never seen before.”

“That’s what I’m hoping.” She answered, reaching for a breakfast burrito. “We can help her.”

“Absolutely. We’ll all be here for her.” 

“She might not want to get rid of his stuff.” 

“We’ll follow her lead. If she wants to get rid of it, we’ll help. If she doesn’t, we’ll agree that she’s not ready yet.” 

“Agreed.” He reached for a sandwich and they moved around to the coffee counter. “But God I hope she doesn’t let herself drown in the grief.” 

“I think we can help with that.” He said. 

“How?”

“I think by just gently encouraging her to do the things she always said she wanted to do. One thing at a time. Slowly. Small things.”

“Like the bus trips.”

“Exactly like the bus trips.”

“There is one coming up.” 

“Is there?”

“Yeah, to that dinner theater place.”

“What’s the play?”

“Wicked. Or some off shoot of it or something. I forget exactly.” She answered. 

“She has always wanted to see that! She talked about going in to the city when it was touring a couple years ago.” He handed her a cup of coffee. “That is perfect. We’ll listen for a reasonable opportunity and then encourage her to give it a try.” 

“Yeah.” Pausing she sipped from her coffee. “But not til after the funeral.” 

“No, we have to get through that first. But, man, it’s gonna be hard to not dance on his grave.” 

I took another step away from them as they headed for the checkout. I was on cloud 9. It had worked. I had freed her. Her children were going to help her. And the world had one less horrible human being in it. I briefly wondered if I would ever be able to match this high again. They said that on Criminal Minds sometimes, that killers got such a high from the first kill that the subsequent kills never met again and that’s why they escalated. But, I wasn’t killing for the sake of the high. That was just a nice byproduct. 

Grabbing the same breakfast burrito the daughter had I also poured a large cappuccino and headed to the checkout. 

Seeing a rack of postcards, I paused. Seeing one of the dinner theater they had mentioned, I grabbed it. 

When I got back home I set that postcard next to my coffee pot so I could look at it every day and be reminded. When I had added a few more postcards and there wasn’t really enough room for all of them on the counter by my coffee pot, I looked around my apartment and decided which wall to start placing them on. I had a beautiful abstract-ish nature print already hung in the middle of that wall, so I started at the top left corner of the print. I tacked each post card up across the top of the print and reveled in knowing how many women I had freed, how many families were healing, and how many horrible men I had removed from this world.